Isn't it hard to sometimes remember, that even in the valley, that God is good. And He is!! My oldest son, who is 16 years old, has dealt with epilepsy since he was 4 months old. He has been through a lot in his life. Many many struggles. And some successses as well. He loves the Lord. I really couldn't ask for more. But I do. I ask everyday, that he will never have to deal with seizures again. I ask that these horrible things just simply disappear! And as I ask I balance two things.. on one hand I know that my son has dealt with this since he was a baby and the "odds" of these ending are very slim. On the other hand, God is powerful, and God can do anything. All things are possible with God. So if it were to fit in to God's plan, my sons' seizures very well could be taken away!
My son has just had one year of seizure freedom! Oh the excitement that was felt through our home when this milestone was hit! We even had a mini celebration. Cake and all!
You know it is a funny thing that happens when you are dealing with something like this. Seizures sometimes hit no rhyme of reason... you cannot always predict when they will happen. So again there is the tight rope routine you prefrom as you walk between an ever watchful eye of your child, waiting for the other shoe to drop. And on the other side of that tight rope is the comfortable place that by human nature you fall into. You start to let your guard down a little bit. Giving a little bit more freedom to that 16 year old who is craving independence who wants to be on his own so very badly.
Then 4 days later... it happened... he seized... badly..... 6 seizures in 45 minutes...... wow, the waves emotions that were racing through is all. I was with all 5 of my children at church. My husband had just returned home from work. Church had not started yet and we were all milling around while my youngest was in kiddie choir.
When I first heard that he was seizing, I felt as though all the blood had left my body. And then I felt as though i could not get to him fast enough. I attempted to sprint, my body did not respond, I think I was run/walking and a very fast pace... but not as face as I wanted to move, I was so disappointed in my body!
When I got to him he had not gone into a convulsion yet. He was "between" seizures and the first was what is termed as a complex partial. I gave home one of his meds and escorted him to the car. Really it was a bit like dragging him. He would walk, but he was rather unresponsive.
As I waited for the children to reassemble at the car, which felt like an eternity, but really was proably just 3 or 4 minutes, he began to seize again. This time, it was a convulsion, and it was a bad one. We had to now move toward our most invasive med, which I will not describe. THough it invloves help from my children. I am so thankful my 14 year old was right beside me and helping me.
As we he settles down and we get in the car to go home... I am praying. Praying praying praying. As we pull out of the church parking lot, he begins to seize again. And I start to think, do we go to the ER, or go home.... typically the med I just gave him, kicks in and at the ER all he does is sleep.... My son holds his head, another one of the kdis is calling my husband on the cell phone..
It stops again...... THe way his seizures usually go, is that he convulses for a period of time and when it stops, it stops,. So it was different that there was a second one. My thought still was that was probably it.
As we continue driving, I talk to my children, that while when their brother realizes he has seizued, he will be so disappointed that he broke his record. However, we need to be thankful for the year that the Lord gave us of seizure freedom. Even if he seized every day, we need to e thankful for the reprieve he was given for this last year. And as i am finishing that sentence, he began to seize again. Oh man, this one was bad, it was frightening to watch him go through that one. My daughter through her tear streamed face, I hear her say, guys we need to pray.
As I try to miniter to him, I decided that if he seizing when I get to the freeway, we will go to the hospital. If he stops we will go home. He stopped. sigh... Thank you God!
We headed home and there was one more small one before we reached the house. A convulsion, but small. Then once we returned home, he seized as we carried him into the house, one last time.
We prayed over my son, the 6 of us looked at him prayed for him and prayed that he would not have any lasting effects from this seizure.
God has been good to us, and good to my son. As I look through my son's life, I can see God's hand of protection, throughout all of the hard times and the good times.
What we have talked about for years in our house, is that we do not know God's plan for this. We do not know His plan for each of our lives. The people we may be able to reach, to the glory of God, beacuase of this trial that we have gone through as a family. It has effected each of us. Differently, yet we have all been effected.
While I want these horrible seizure to go away, forever, I also know that my God is soveriegn. I trust Him and will foloow HIm where ever this road leads. I am so thankful that I am not alone when I go through this. I am thankful that when my children are worried or frightened, they not only can come to me, but they can also go to the Lord, and He can much better than I, quiet those fears and worries, and lead them to triumph.
Please listen to the song at the bootom of this page...
Even in the Valley God is good!!
And so you know, my son is doing very well now. And I am praising the Lord for His goodness!